Wednesday, July 23, 2008


the rant before the break

 
it's funny how we're supposed to be 2.0, and how sorely lacking we are. and how ironic that being locked in this perpetual paradox is strangely fulfilling. or maybe i'm just used to it. used to the cycles and drills, and somehow proud of being able to do what i couldn't last year. yep, i'm an accomplished robot. this the career advancement from your ICE spiel, wk?

the stuff we propose... are always pulled back. the little things that make life easier, stop short on the drawing board. we're back to 1.0... or ok, 1.10. that's crypticspeak for mediocre. it always boils down to budget. what follows are the parkitasides, the k-i-v's, the phase II's, the slow, painstaking, minute and negligible enhancements that still never match our initial visions, and never enable us to practise what we preach.

but that's the way it works. u go all all all out there, and the boss will hold u in check for rational reasons, and the client will follow suit with monetary restrictions. like my tutor told me when i left college, aim for the stars, so that when u fall u'll still touch the treetops. or sooooomething like that. it just didn't sound so dogmatic then.

anyway my latest gripe is about time. which, in rapid and lateral mental workings, just spilled over into the other projects i'm on (hey, this is how u bitch). 1 of which is robotwork - cms. becoz while cms budgets are non-existent, we Are the cms. which eats into the time i should be spending on thinking. so this other thinking project of mine... not enough time. not even to begin with. not happy? i'm not gonna stress over what's not my fault.

being the most challenging place of its kind... it's probably right and true, depending on your rank, but without stepping out of the robot cycle i'll never know.

what a pointless rant. just forget u ever read this. lemme tell u about a rock. at redang bay there's a huge rock, or a little peninsula, depending on how u see it, that u can swim around. distance of about 4-500m. took me over 1/2 hour the last time even with scuba fins. let's see if i can do it again... or if we even find that spot again.

32 hours, counting down.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


dreaming sounds

 
"tolak! kotak api dua puluh!" everyone laughed. i didn't get it, but somewhere, far away, the radio was playing... matchbox 20, push. my radio alarm, sometime between 8.15 and 9.15. horrible joke, but i had to crack a smile. we were in some boarding school, cliquey as cliquey goes. he was the new kid, who fit in and took over. he was the born ringleader. he was risk and wit and charisma.

he murdered them all. my bunkmates dropped one by one, and i disappeared to save my own skin and spy from a distance. i watched in morbid fascination as the last victim fell. and he turned. and i turned. i fled the bloodlust, down silent sunlit corridors, playing by ear, hiding in hallway cupboards, sneaking roundabouts via back and front doors and fire-escape stunts.

and we returned, he inside, me on the outside. i listened at the office window as he brandished the severed head, announced to the warden he was walking out, and calmly gave up 30,000 bucks: his forfeited boarding deposit for the semester. i was in a school for bloody princes.

now comes the funny part. he never made it out, becoz he planned his getaway in the wrong car - mine. the last thing i heard was the familiar prolonged wheezing, him trying to start my fucked up car.

which was when i woke up. to the sound of dad trying to start my fucked up car.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


overcoming the secret mechanics of hate

 
while being plagued by insomnia this week, i've had the unexpected leisure to meditate on stuff and develop my own little self-help programme. which i'm gonna share with u now, for free! u too, can change your life just by following my simple steps.

what u need: the personal message function on msn. and hate. i was talking to someone about self-pity the other day. i've never believed in self-pity. it's passive and corrosive and gets u nowhere except deeper self-pity. hate... is different. it's an active and destructive power that opens u to the dark side. picture: self-pity - yoda in the swamps, olive, beige, shitty green. hate - darth maul, red and black, buzzing and beheading. note the distinct difference in power.

now proceed to input your hate verbally into your message bar. something like I WISH SEAN KINGSTON GETS SODOMIZED WITH HIS OWN VOCAL CHORDS works very well.

here's my personal example in action. u may have noticed my message over the last few days. our threadless tees incurred some customs tax in transit, which now involves authorizing pos msia to claim it for us so that we can pick it up from the post. i have faith in a lot of things in the world - and pos msia is Not one of them. so: "i hate tax".

then from an impromptu brainstorm... account director says, let's make it a blog. i look her in the eye and say, flog. i never say It, becoz u know just as well as i do the shameless riposte if u dare say It: copywriter's job to make it convincing, innit? but being as tacit as she was, i was convinced duped for a while, but deep in my gut, i've always condemned it. flogs don't fly. "i hate tax and flogs".

the third item needs no explanation. i dunno if it's the client or the servicing team, but i'll take the client just in case the servicing team is somehow reading this. if u are, it's not u, it's just me. yeah, really. but fuck u anyway. "i hate tax and flogs and celcom".

now u observe what's going on? u have more hate than u imagine. anytime something irks u, single it out and announce it to the world. be subtle: i hate the green-eyed monster, for example, where green-eyed monster may refer to an actual person, i'm not naming any names. when u've accumulated enough hate, say, 30 words at least - it's fun, isn't it? - u've come to the end. it's time to get serious: u're found your latent negative power, now to release it.

order now! for your exclusive copy of "overcoming the secret mechanics of hate", to learn the ultimate final chapter of this self-cleansing programme. order within the next 30 minutes, and receive a bokken, wooden training sword of the ancient samurai, absolutely free! smash it into the green-eyed monster's face! instant gratification guaranteed!

couldn't resist. the ultimate final chapter is as follows. place your cursor at the end of the line. press shift+home-delete. there's your release. there are 2 ways to approach this: 1. before deleting, try and recall the whole line from memory. if u can't, u've already forgotten what u've been hating, so well done! clear the line and start over. 2. look at your line and recall every episode. see how childish and trivial and futile it has all been. erase your pathetic ranting and go get a life.

do tell me if this works. if u insist on the bokken method, go get your own.

Thursday, July 03, 2008


arachbots

 
Karen Wong says:
     erygcekeurcgueuguwgk.wux.gu.
Karen Wong says:
     oi
Karen Wong says:
     -.-
Karen Wong says:
     aivee hand itchy
Karen Wong says:
     faster go tie her up
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     where got
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     u sot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     i've always been at my place
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     naughty vee vee bot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     wtf?
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     vee vee bot?
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     u wanna die liao isit
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     mr j
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     ai vee = vee vee bot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     hohohoho
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     jookbot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     miu bot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     hamyu is jobot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     wat?
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     hambot also can
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     ham bot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     karen = kabot
Karen Wong says:
     ewww
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     kaput better
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     tay = hiongbot
Karen Wong says:
     chee heng is hengbot?
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     yaya
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     hengbot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     cheebot
Karen Wong says:
     remi is mibot
six : thirtyfour says:
     cheebot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     tiffany = tibot
six : thirtyfour says:
     haHAHAHAHAHA
six : thirtyfour says:
     wongbot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     nono
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     karen is kabot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     tibotty
six : thirtyfour says:
     kw = pinkbot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     tiff = tibotty
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     all siao

six : thirtyfour says:
     hahahahah
six : thirtyfour says:
     roboham
Karen Wong says:
     karen koay leh
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     karen koay = koaybot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     syam = botsiah
six : thirtyfour says:
     koaybot
Syam...I got Magic Beans says:
     wat the
six : thirtyfour says:
     she speaks!!
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     syam = whatdabot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     botsiah speaks!!!
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     mine was spinobot lah
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     urs is tibot lar
six : thirtyfour says:
     tibot la, nicer
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     ur name got spino meh
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     not nice ok
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     tibotty
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     robotiff
six : thirtyfour says:
     HAHA
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     good one!!!
Karen Wong says:
     bingo
six : thirtyfour says:
     robovee
Karen Wong says:
     jackpot
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     what so funny
Karen Wong says:
     roboham
Syam...I got Magic Beans says:
     ahahahaha
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robocop
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     karen = roboka
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robomi
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     robokoay
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     nice loh roboka
Karen Wong says:
     robojook
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     so jap
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     robojook
Karen Wong says:
     robochee
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     ehhhh
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     robohiong
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     copyright ah
Karen Wong says:
     roboza
six : thirtyfour says:
     zabot
Karen Wong says:
     roboling
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     roboheer better
Karen Wong says:
     robomeng
six : thirtyfour says:
     robodee
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     mengabot
Karen Wong says:
     robokeong
six : thirtyfour says:
     wengbot!
Karen Wong says:
     robosoo
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     wengbotkeong
Karen Wong says:
     soobot
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     roboboss
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     i like wengbotkeong
six : thirtyfour says:
     bossbot
Karen Wong says:
     ilike roboboss
six : thirtyfour says:
     HAHAHA
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     hohoho
Karen Wong says:
     bossbot

Karen Wong says:
     roboben
Karen Wong says:
     robohoong
Karen Wong says:
     wairobo
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     rotbot
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     rotiby
Karen Wong says:
     roborot
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     rotiboy
six : thirtyfour says:
     robosan
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     wah
Karen Wong says:
     oh
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     like jap neh
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robo-san
Karen Wong says:
     robosan <-- tay robosan
six : thirtyfour says:
     taybot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     bottay~~~
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     allsiao
six : thirtyfour says:
     hamyu = sienbot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     siaobot
Karen Wong says:
     hahah
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     eeekkk jegek jegek jegek...... siiieeennnnnzzzzz
six : thirtyfour says:
     tiffabotz
Karen Wong says:
     jegek jegek jegek
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robodawn
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robothong
six : thirtyfour says:
     thong??
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     yeah
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     wtf?
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     watdafuckbot
six : thirtyfour says:
     robowtf
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     veebot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     wiibot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     vbot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     aibot
Karen Wong says:
     d.i.u.bot
six : thirtyfour says:
     kwkwkwkwkw
six : thirtyfour says:
     u can be
six : thirtyfour says:
     RAWRbot
Karen Wong says:
     yay
Karen Wong says:
     GRAWRBOT
Karen Wong says:
     moosebot
Karen Wong says:
     robomoose
six : thirtyfour says:
     rawrbot wong
six : thirtyfour says:
     rawrbowong?

Karen Wong says:
     rawrbovee
six : thirtyfour says:
     rawrboka?
Karen Wong says:
     rawrboham
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     coool!!!
six : thirtyfour says:
     joanne = jobot
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy rotiboy
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     rawrbotiff
Karen Wong says:
     hahahahahaha
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     rawrbovee
Karen Wong says:
     rawrbojook
Karen Wong says:
     rawrbokoay
six : thirtyfour says:
     rawrbomiu
Karen Wong says:
     rawrbosan
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     rawrbosiah
Karen Wong says:
     robosiah, rawrbosiah
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     bosiah!!!
six : thirtyfour says:
     this is a good brainstorm
Syam...I got Magic Beans says:
     roboham
six : thirtyfour says:
     syam speaks again!
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     no no
Syam...I got Magic Beans says:
     bosiah is so...
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     is rawrboham
Syam...I got Magic Beans says:
     so... not me
Karen Wong says:
     rawrbostorm

little^bit has been added to the conversation.

||Salted^Fish|| says:
     jooko'bot
six : thirtyfour says:
     robit!
six : thirtyfour says:
     haHAHAHAHAH
six : thirtyfour says:
     bitbot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     bitbot is here!
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     chocobo
little^bit says:
     er
little^bit says:
     wassup
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     botbit
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     bitbot
Karen Wong says:
     robobit
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     or robobit
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     bitbotbit
Karen Wong says:
     rawrbobit
six : thirtyfour says:
     bitbot nicer
Karen Wong says:
     8bitbot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     botbitbot
six : thirtyfour says:
     robomei
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     siewbot
Karen Wong says:
     i'm a robot, botbitbot botbitbot
Karen Wong says:
     siewbot!!!!
little^bit says:
     i'm bitbit
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     botbit botbit
six : thirtyfour says:
     we go jegekjegek, she goes botbitbotbit
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     bitbot bitbot
Karen Wong says:
     siewbit
Karen Wong says:
     siewbitbot
six : thirtyfour says:
     little^bot
Karen Wong says:
     siewbotbit
Karen Wong says:
     robo^bit
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     all siao
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     we are siaobot gang
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robochick flick time~~~
little^bit says:
     siaobot

six : thirtyfour says:
     meibot... come wathc chick flick
little^bit says:
     where?
six : thirtyfour says:
     farabot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     zabot
Karen Wong says:
     mosinbot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     zabot on leave today
Karen Wong says:
     happybot
six : thirtyfour says:
     robomosin
Karen Wong says:
     rawrbosin
little^bit says:
     haha
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     nanabot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     screambot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     nehnehbot
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     pervert
little^bit says:
     pervert
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     ya i pervertbot
six : thirtyfour says:
     vertbot
Karen Wong says:
     pervbot
six : thirtyfour says:
     roboperv
Karen Wong says:
     rawrboperv
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     i stare at ppl botbies when i tok to them
little^bit says:
     lobot
little^bit says:
     WAH
six : thirtyfour says:
     botbiessssss... mmmmmmmmm...
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     mmmmm ...eekkkkkk ekkkk
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     peek-a-bot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robochick!!
six : thirtyfour says:
     chickbawts
six : thirtyfour says:
     chocobots
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     jook-o-bot
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     ooi
six : thirtyfour says:
     who's ooi?
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robobrain nead a chickbot storm...
six : thirtyfour says:
     chokyan ooi
six : thirtyfour says:
     chokybot
six : thirtyfour says:
     u said 7 lah...
Bosan - nonsense stupid ppl really make me wanna go now ! says:
     7
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     ??
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     y suddenly 7?
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robo7 ?
Bosan - nonsense stupid ppl really make me wanna go now ! says:
     six : thirtyfour says:
     u said 7 lah...
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     idin say 7
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     now lah
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     630 roud up is 7
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     same
little^bit says:
     why 7?
Bosan - nonsense stupid ppl really make me wanna go now ! says:
     i wanna bomb Slikpknot !!!!!!!!!!
little^bit says:
     go ahead..
six : thirtyfour says:
     bomb'em slipbots
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     i supply bomb
six : thirtyfour says:
     knot become bot... we can have arachbots
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     facebook
Syam...I got Magic Beans says:
     hamyu u mean ur human bomb?
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     group
Syam...I got Magic Beans says:
     the gaseous one
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     arachbot
six : thirtyfour says:
     yaya alongside the dinobots and autobots
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     the bomb i release everyday
Karen Wong says:
     supabomb
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     nak makan malam
six : thirtyfour says:
     bakutehbot?
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     mohsinbot

||Salted^Fish|| says:
     group name: arachbots
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     description?
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     copywriter
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     writerbot
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     u guys wanna go yoga class ?
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     robojoints are not flexi enough
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     YOGA anyone ?
||Salted^Fish|| says:
     i want to... but....
six : thirtyfour says:
     tif = fitbot
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     swingers go yoga ok ?
six : thirtyfour says:
     regular arachbots = not
six : thirtyfour says:
     arachbots:
     an assmebly of obedient robots, forever bent to the whims of servicingbots to jegekly serve the sentient clientgods
i am a robot. jekeeeeeeeek jekeeeeeeeek eeeeek peeeep says:
     ok no one likes me where
Karen Wong says:
     hahaha
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     wtf?
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     u guys are kukubots
six : thirtyfour says:
     ciaobots
six : thirtyfour says:
     arachbots are split into kukubots and robociaos
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     haha
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     i wan kukubots
i am a robot...jegek jegek jegek says:
     i belong to kukubot

Wednesday, July 02, 2008


and in julyyyy

 
a lemonade