Gesamtkunstwerk

said susanne. exactly!! yessss!! we understand each other, Finally. but her face read no go. wtf.

"healthy foods are not a killjoy."
"but they are to me! i don't like cereal, i hate cereal." (actually, a lie)
"yes, but... it's a health food... and kellogg's is a big american, international, brand. they actually belonged to sanitarium, and then sanitarium sold the brand out..."
uh?? good trivia, but where does that fit in?
"yeap, but i'm making a statement, that i don't like health food, and to me they're a killjoy."
that was what u wanted, bitch, a political/social/ecological/whateverical statement.
"yes, but we want a general, broad statement, not your personal feelings... see that cadbury/cavity one? - (points to the example on the wall i've seen tens of times and don't particularly wanna see again, no thanks) - that's what we want, a sweeping, general-appeal statement."
whaaaat?? aren't these things Supposed to be personal?? that's why people Do this shit.
"naaa, joo khai, i don't think u can do this. it's not quite gonna work."
and isn't it being a big american international brand all the reason we're doing this? to quote from the handout, 'take the micky' on big corporates?
"u'll have to find something else. go look in the logotypes website. get back to me by the end of class, we'll see how it goes."
thanks for your time, please go away.

we finally agreed on tag heuer, but undeterred, i came home and immediately did kellogg's... that was last week. anyway the final result(s):

vs

for one thing, "heuer" is really crude, not even a font, and only consisting of straight lines. not a challenge, hardly close. it's obvious kellogg's requires more finesse and what's more, i identify with cereal more than i do tags. there are cereals out there i regard with absolute loathing (but some i'd wake up early for), and i've only once thought of getting a tag off my mom, the kirium formula 1. of course, 'out of price range' being a ridiculous understatement - rm 4k was <13 times the price of my current watch - i'm still with my current watch.

sigh. ever bent to superior approval, i submitted tag yesterday.

imagine walking, tramming, taking a train and then another tram, in the natural delay of sunday public transport services... making a total of a 1 1/2 hour trip... looking stupid carrying a bin (with a roll of posters and brown paper, slippers, t-shirt, adaptor and cord extension). and multiply by three. all because i'd forgotten my keys, and didn't realize till i was at the picturesque scene of the toorak and williams rd junction.

so i lit up and cursed everything under the sun, which made my wasted morning all the more charming.

but it wasn't all that bad... i got to see the anzac day march, along with some pretty interesting sights. first was an old man, still going strong in a band, back straight and marching And doing bloody perfect rolls on his snare. Damn. pui fook. second, a random troublemaker being thrown - literally, ala hard kandy bouncer - into the back of a police van. hahhahaahhh that was comic. and the third... the steyr aug, in the close proximity of about 10 feet. i think they must be standard issue only for certain troops... everyone in ranks holding one - wow!! and for someone like me who's only seen the aug in counterstrike... this amounts to cool shit.

all this army stuff reminded me of vincent when he told us about his s'pore ns. his combat engineer credentials wasn't much help when applying for a student visa hahahaa... they mailed him back pronto asking about his potentially destructive bombs knowledge, to which, he of course lied, "no..."

hehehe.

but on a serious note, imagine just one kamikaze bomber sending just one missile down st kilda rd yesterday morning. that would more than make a bloody terrorist statement, wouldn't it... then again, he'd have to make it through obviously tightened airspace security, but still.

it's spring in the uk. so what - it's autumn here. and while i'm not particularly fond of the impending cold and watching trees wither and dry, it's a pretty nice time in melbourne. cy, u just can't win, nya-nyah. anyway autumn this year is kinda late. there've been occasional cold days, and colder nights, but on the whole it's still warm. it was actually hot today... yesterday, to be precise. what am i doing up blogging at 5am?

was doing some last minute research, and just wanna record this down while it's still in my head.

before the arrival of wl in my life, i'd been loth to open up, to share, and basically shut out everyone from my personal stuff - like how i felt about things, little details about stuff i dis/liked, etc. i never told anyone how i loved looking at gnarled details on trees, at sunlight sifting through the canopy of leaves, how i enjoyed stargazing (woo. it's not as cool as it sounds though - just blankly looking heavenwards at the little bright spots. and contemplating how we're "just specks in this vast universe"...) ahhah u calvin and hobbes buffs should know where that came from. nature does not fail to impress me, day after night after day.

after wl though, life got beautiful(er). there was someone sharing my sentiments, about small things which didn't matter to anyone else. which i don't think many of my other friends even noticed. we were different as night and day but somehow those details bridged the whatever-gap, or so i think. i'm still not entirely sure today. and so on easter monday in 2003, we took a walk in fitzroy gardens. nice - it was autumn. and the fact that we sat through 6 hours of cinema just before didn't change the beauty. no looking through bleary eyes sorely in need of sleep, just pure enjoyment. of the trees, flowers, warm sunlight.

and of each other. =)

that morning i'll remember till i die, serious. i think the lack of sleep had lowered our inhibitions and we were swept away in contentment (hahah! well i know at least i was) and that day was probably what kickstarted everything. no, it'd already started before that, but that day it kicked in. yeah, more accurate that way. anyway a little past the headless giraffe swing, we came to - our path to paradise. hehe. remember baby? just blurted it out...

promptly and aptly she named it "path to paradise"; it was as perfect a path as any leading there. the combination of everything - trees lining both sides, leaves gently floating down, on the warm wind, the sun at about 2 o' clock - i can't describe it. and at the sound of "our" i was overwhelmed. totally. the perfect slip in the perfect setting, followed by the perfect emotion.

so there it is - spring may be all birth and life and birds and bees, but autumn in melbourne will always be special for me. love u baby =)

what can i say? it lets u snoop around and find out random bits of info about everyone. read all of someone's testis, make some inferences and u learn volumes. even about total strangers. and of course, there's the basic "eh? how come... oh, oh. cool!" when u realize this person knows that one and these few guys create a nice circle linked up through u (yet again...) friendster loses its novelty but the connectivity factor does not. it's a constant reminder what a small world this is. for example, what i found out today:

i'm connected to takchai -
to imer - chee minh from srskl, knew him just remotely -
who knows matt - total stranger, high school friend of imer -
close buddy to puteri - my friend, wow! who went to tuition with matt -
but get this, matt also knows jia yi, another of my friends, through a BRAT workshop.

(speaking of which, those of u in kl, look out for her occasional articles in the star. from corresponding BRATs from overseas, this particular one in sydney. lee jia yi - promises to be a nice read.)

however, this pales in comparison to the most magical of these experiences. which was once last year when i found my cousin's cousin, a childhood friend 3 years junior, whom i haven't seen for an eternity, by clicking through 7 random strangers' lists. this was of course, before they came up with 1st degree and 2nd degree and whatfuckhaveu, which just defeats the original purpose spot-on. anyway turns out i unknowingly followed some contacts who were girl scouts. and i didn't even know she was a scout. true magic, huh?

i think the purpose of the site has been morphing over the past few months... or maybe that's just how it feels to most everyone? or maybe any object's purpose morphs accordingly as to how u wish to use it. u sign in, fill up all the lists - profile, friends, testimonials - and hang around after that just to add on to your site till saturation point. now the basic role of friendster is to enable me to catch up on faraway people's lives. secretively, may i add. i look at their updated pics, at what their (new) friends have to say.

and surprise - someone in perth has a new bf. and she never thought to tell me. friendster's just brilliant.

moodless. empty. sien. pretty normal considering your BIG plans have been announced cancelled just the day before. so i began sunday night, burdened with this invisible ghost which sapped whatever i had, mental, social, emotional. moodless and empty and sien, i conveyed as much to cr. even remedial online porn held no thrall, when he professionally opined, porn is eternal. i say fuck all.

oh well. i'm not one to dwell upon what does not happen. looking on the bright side, this leaves me much time for my chores with the new apartment. that much is good, at least. in a spur of the moment, i start work on one of my projects.



am i truly the only one who believes a lynching does not equal death? why do so many people draw the immediate association between gallows and death, and bypass the hanging, and the one point i'm trying to make? even kindly susanne, warm, friendly, patient susanne, as gnarled as teochew mandarins, who is older than my mom, who tutors us in photoshop - so pessimistic? "so who're u killing?" sigh.

i turn to cr, possibly the only one online worth turning to. he does not get it and tries to be diplomatically neutral. i read it plainly - no harsh criticism, no cynical comebacks, yet nothing positive. in 2 minutes i have it out of him, along with some comment on my cheap skills at just changing the word. he does not get it. in that moment when it was laying itself on just a tad thick, i broke down. bitter irony melted into senseless mirth. i laughed, at nothing in particular, and my melancholy fled. i was cured.

still kind of desperate i try one more person. my thumb dances over the keypad as i translate my thoughts to sms: sweet brother, are u awake? and online i hope? no answer.

killing, dying. it's a sordid world we live in. or maybe it's just me and susanne was right, it's too obscure. i take about 2 hours' break, for a breakfast of hotcakes and a leisurely walk. and come home to blog and find cy suddenly online. in an instant the pic was over at his screen. cy comes up with... death express??

i laugh harder than before.

i'm still 210 capel st though. bunked with my housemate coz couldn't yet shift... had to get a workman to put up my blinds and move an old bed. not vacuumed or cleaned in any way yet. bleagh =p

skipped morning class on monday and went for 2nd class just to hand in due folio (where my friend called me for a road trip plan). went back home to sleep off half the night and spend the other half sleepless. missed morning class on tuesday, went for a lecture which had been cancelled and skipped music class to do some urgent errand. went for some hard daytona and spent the whole night working on my pres. document. attended all classes on wednesday, today. final presentation done. 1 week relief.

i had all kinds of chores to do with the new apartment, and i'd even put it off till now. overextended time. i didn't take the #8 tram on monday after all. now with the easter break, was i going to finish it all in 1 shot, move in and finish up my h/w? initially i was. more journal entries and books to read. and i'd suandered my last easter most abysmally, during which i recorded my hours of sleep and totalled them up to 51% of the week. and what - 18 years old? no more, i told myself. for once, (or maybe the 2nd time...) i will do somehting worthwhile in my holidays. live responsibly and take care to ensure my own wellbeing.

until the road trip came up. i instantly sacrificed, or rather screwed all duties and see the promise of more chaos next week. connie just rang up out of the blue, (in cantonese):
"jookhai, wanna go lake entrance?"
"where? where the hell is that?"
"(yells to someone to ask where in abominable hell) gippsland."
"and where the hell is That?"
"no idea."

the rest were just details.

(canto.) -- it's a good thing!

this phrase belonged to kaevy for at least 2 years till last sat. it got popularised with the sneaky efficiency of roach marketing, imo. it was one phrase which connoted positivity (how kaevy was advertising every steamboat item), which took some degree of rhetoric to get perfect, yet contagious, which soon became quote of the day thanks to alex. hou yea lei gea soon became the benchmark of judgement in that house, to decide good food, good losses in the chor-dai-d games, good pieces thrown out in mahjongg, good bananas. i found myself saying it even today. alex was making kaya sandwiches and being a hongkie was new to kaya. therefore, hou yea lei gea!

anyway the last stage of moving house is very much like checking out of a hotel. at least for me... still wihtout furniture except for a beach chair. this morning i was checking for what was left in my robes and that the toothbrush was still in the toilet, and all helped with the presence of my bag on the bed, open to admit all small last-minute items to ferry away.

leirui was coming at 1pm to check my room, so i told myself not to be out at the time. what a pun. i was certainly out (cold) till i noticed an sms during a mid-sleep break (where u get up, survey your room for a bit, and doze till u're out again). she was coming at 12, and when i looked up at my clock waddayaknow... nearly 12. perfect timing - i washed my face and she arrived in a matter of seconds. came in to look around my bare room, ask about defects and collect the key. she was in a hurry, so i went straight back to sleep.

most of my stuff moved... took my friend kevin two trips with his car and some wasted time. nb - toorak rd is jammmmmmed on sat nights. it's only logical but unforeseen, since i'm seldom there in a car at that time. it's 5.30pm and i've just woken up with tomorrow's folio still yet done... =p which was not like i planned. somehow spreading out work over a 3-day weekend and yet not finishing them all by sunday is very much a buildup of tension all to be released on monday. like a revved turbo engine awaiting the traffic light to turn green. the reign of chaos begins.

one day last spring, i took a longer walk from my house to another tram stop. it was much farther away, but still took my less time than if i'd waited at my usual stop. since it was a sunday there were less trams along all routes but the alternative stop i went to had more services along it. i'd never walked that route before, and i realized how much i've missed throughout most of last year by just merely tramming back and forth uni and home. that walk was what sparked (or REsparked) my keenness to lepak.

my housemate toto and i used to make late-night trips to 7-11. when we were both new to the area the only one i knew of, the vicmart one, was the farthest among three, from our house. then we discovered one deeper into north melb, yet still closer than vicmart, and lastly the closest one, which was just after the next junction on the main road. there were many nights we would take a walk just for the sake of it, brave the winter elements, pick up some chocolate/ice cream/drinks and then come home to resume chor-dai-d.

so in a nostalgic moment, i took a break from my packing just now and took a walk. primarily just for the sake of it. secondly, to buy myself a hot choc and sandwich supper. and third, for reminiscence of the time i've spent so far in north melb, how well i know the place, and how dismally i don't. i've never explored the areas further up flemington rd, north-westward, beyond the hospitals. much like how i've never explored the areas north-eastward five months ago.

and remembered too late, again, i should've had my camera. all the open desolate roads underneath the mellow streetlamps, against a silhouette of dark hospital buildings, and how the traffic lights appear brighter and how the orange and green of 7-11 beckons from within its bright white lighting... all unrecorded. the previous time i'd taken note of all these details was just two nights ago, at the william-latrobe st stop... i was standing in the middle of the road, on the tram tracks. it's not for cars so u're relatively safe yet the conditioning everyone of us has with standing on open asphalt gave it a slight irony. looking south and wondering what a splendid photo that would've made - tram tracks on the ground, matched by their cables in the air. old buildings with art deco type furnishings on the left, contrasted by glass and steel architecture on the right (that's flagstaff station, by the way). all extending into 1-point perspective.

all these familiar scenes seem to bind me in time and surrender me to create memories out of nothing. much like the feeling i got when i saw a photo of my other housemate jacky... it was a shot of a stretch of road i've walked nearly everyday in 2002, but with the sepia monochrome effect. that was a nice touch but it is the subject matter that is in question, anyway.

huh. i think i'm getting carried away. oh well, back to packing. then nick a few hours' sleep.